How Do You Know Your Relationship is in Trouble?
October 19, 2014

While no relationship is perfect and couples can expect to have their fair share of conflicts, however it’s how you resolve conflicts that matters. If issues are not resolved properly, they become insurmountable and resentment can build up over time. Here are some warning signs signalling your relationship is in trouble:

Arguments do not get resolved. Most couples have issues that can be resolved over time as their relationship develops, but when key issues are not resolved and they keep re-surfacing – then your relationship will struggle.

Feeling like you are “walking on eggshells” around sensitive issues. When you feel the need to avoid conflicts and protect yourself from further conflict, this signals a lack of safety in your relationship.

You are unable to reach out to your partner for emotional support. A romantic relationship without emotional engagement will be drained of any vitality. If you are unable to show your emotional vulnerability to your partner then it is a clear sign your relationship is at risk.

You find you are spending less ‘couple time’ with your partner for no particular reason. When for no good reason you both choose to spend less time together and this pattern continues over a long period, you will drift apart. Couple time is a crucial resource for sustaining intimacy and connection in a relationship.

Arguments include criticism, defensiveness, and contempt. If one or both of you engage in character attacks, mindreading, insults, name-calling, or counter-complaining, the emotional security of your relationship will be injured.

When you or your partners no longer depend on one another. By no longer sharing vulnerabilty and leaning on one another for support, your closeness and the importance of your relationship will be lost.

There may have been anger and frustration in the past, but now there is just apathy. When you become detached from your relationship, you will tell yourself… “it’s too hard, I don’t care anymore… I give up!”

Trusting your partner is too hard, so you try to control circumstances instead. Controlling actions is a common way for partners to respond when trust is lost or they are fearful, but it undermines efforts to rebuild trust.

Fear of criticism prevents you from sharing personal thoughts and feelings. When you withdraw from your partner because you feel insecure and/or fear a lack of care or concern on the part of your partner. The impact of your withdrawal can seriously threaten a relationship by depriving it of life energy in the long term.

If you recognise two or three of these symptoms present in your relationship, then it is time to seek couple counselling.